


Demonheads

by WAKAWAKA3514



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Asshole Bill, Bipper, Mabill, Masochistic Bill, Multi, Some funny, Voices in your head making you slap yourself, some tramatizing, voices in your head
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-25 20:21:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3823495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WAKAWAKA3514/pseuds/WAKAWAKA3514
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yet another AU Diverging off from "Sock Opera". When Mabel messes up the spell to banish Bill, he gets sucked in and stuck in the minds of the twins. Getting him out is easier said than done, especially when there's an unpredictable dream demon messing with your life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First of Many Bad Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Some pointless story I had stuck in my head that I couldn't get out till I wrote it down. Hope you enjoy. Some notes:  
> -I imagine the characters/events aged up to about 14 or so, but I'm never going to make specific references to their age, so feel free to imagine them however old you like.  
> -This is my first fanfiction in a while, so I'm still getting the hang of everything, including AO3.  
> -In all likelihood, this isn't going to become smutty.

Mabel shimmied up the ladder to the catwalk, ignorant to her brother's body following her far enough away that the demon possessing it was certain that she wouldn't notice. She reached the wooden cake holding her bothers journal and did a short hop into it. It swayed, but it held fast.

"Come on," she whispered to herself. "There’s got to be something about getting rid of demons in here."

She flipped manically though the pages, finding the one with the large triangle that she knew was the source of her concern. Three pages later, she found what she was after and quickly started to memorize the words by whispering them. "Num Vaenpohb Isiv Ikz Xo Dono Koron Iciuk. Num Vaenpohb Isiv Ikz Xo Dono Koron Iciuk. Num Vaenpohb Isiv Ikz Xo Dono Ko-AAAhhh!"

Suddenly, the small platform which she was in gave way. For a second, she was falling, before then platform stopped as quickly as it began to fall. She had a moment to catch her breath, before the platform started inching back upwards.

She knew who was pulling her back up. She didn't want to know, she wanted to pretend that it was Grenda helping her, or maybe Candy. She looked up slowly to see him. Dipper, or Bill, wearing him, smiling wider that she thought possible for her bother. 

"Bill Dipper, Bipper." She said, glaring at the demon.

"Careful there Shooting Star, we wouldn't wanna ruin the play, now would we?" He laughed as his hands flew open, letting the rope fly through his hands and letting the platform drop a few feet before catching it again. "That's pretty slippery."

He gave a large tug on the rope, bringing Mabel back to the point she was a few seconds ago. "You seem to already have what I'm after, so I'll make a deal. Give me the book, and I won't ruin the play."

"Never! This is Dipper's. I could never give it away!"

Bill smirked, "You didn't seem to mind stealing it for your play, or ditching him when he needed you." He offered out a hand. "And after all that work you and Candy and Grenda did?" She hesitantly started to hold the book out. Bill could tell that she needed a little bit more prodding. "Are you really going to throw everything away for your dumb sibling?"

Her eyes widened, then squinted in anger. "Dipper would."

She lunged out of the platform at him. It went wrong in several ways. First being that the platform she was standing gave way as the demon let go of it before she would get that last bit of leverage she needed. Second is that instead of tackling Bipper, and throwing her arms around him to drag him to the floor, she just kinda headbutted him. He was thrown off balance, but still very much standing. And third, and probably most awkwardly, instead of clearing the railing on the walkway, she caught it with her stomach. With no way to balance properly, she teetered forward. She twisted her body and flung herself as far forward as possible, landing face-up on the catwalk. Before she could do anything Bipper was on top of her. 

Down below, the play was going swimmingly. Or as swimmingly as Dipper though possible. As he fumbled the badly written lines made in too curvy and girly of handwriting, he though to himself that it was probably ok because A) there was barely half a dozen people in the audience. Most of them family. And B) this was the opening matinee on a play that most of the audience knows started production 4 days ago. What he doesn't know is A) if he'll ever get his body back, Mabel said she was on it, but for all her sisterly love, she would probably forget all about his troubles if a slightly cute, slightly older boy crossed her path. And B) what to make of that squealing noise like a rope being run through a pulley very very quickly. 

There was a loud crash. Dipper was still sitting/floating in the same place he was a moment ago, but it was very wrong. First off, the puppets that were over his hands were ripped off of his hands. 'Off' wasn't the right word, he though, 'through' would be better, especially because of how strange it felt. And secondly the place he was sitting could now be best described as "A pile of rubble". 

Grenda ran onto the stage screaming "Ahhh, oh my god, Mabel!" She picked up an edge of the rubble and flung it up with all her might, trying to look for a body that wasn't there. 

Dipper look around, and looked up to see a pair of bodies on the catwalk, a hand was flung out over the catwalk holding his journal. "Mabel!" Dipper screamed even though he knew no one could hear him. He sent himself skyward towards them. 

"Give me the book!" Bipper demanded. His hand was on her face, twisting her head to the side. His other arm had her arm that was holding the book, trying to bring it closer.

"Get off of me, you evil triangle!" Mabel yelled. Her free arm grabbed the side of Bipper's costume and gave it a hard yank as she twisted her body. She managed to fling Bipper off of her and she landed with a knee on his hip. and both of her hands oh his shoulders. The book fell open onto the middle of the catwalk, the pages flinging themselves to the one she needed. She couldn't see him, but she knew that Dipper was helping.

With Bipper pinned down and a final glance over the incantation, she started slow and methodically making sure to pronounce correctly. "Num Vaenpohb-" The reaction from Bill was immediate, he started twisting and writhing away making gurgling noises that no human should make. She continued, "Isiv Ikz-" Dipper could see it now, a yellow aura rising from his body as Bill was being ripped from it. He was incredibly happy that demon was being pushed out his body. Dipper couldn't wait, he pushed at the spirit in his body. She continued, "Xo Dono Ko-AHH" Dipper saw the yellow triangle pop out before being sucked into his own body.

"AHH!" Dipper screamed and flung himself upwards as his sister toppled backward. "Ohh, oh, ouch" Dipper started patting himself down. He was really back in his body, and his body had about 20 more injuries than this morning. His arms stung, his knees felt banged, his ribs felt like they were bruised, his hip felt like there was a girl that just put all of her weight onto one spot. But he was back. "Mabel!" He looked down. "Mabel are you ok?"

"Uhh..." Mabel was laying on the floor, her hand grasping her head in pain, she shot up and glared at Dipper.

"It's me Mabel, it's me." Dipper said reassuring her. 

"Oh thank god," She said, laying back down. 

At the end of the catwalk, Grenda popped up on the ladder. "Oh my god, thank god you guys are ok." She ran down the catwalk to Mabel, "How did you even get up here?"

"Long story," Mabel said, her head still spinning, "help me up."

"Ok." Grenda picked her up and threw her over her shoulder. She headed down the ladder yelling "FOUND HER GUYS, SHE'S OK!"

Dipper grunted and stood up. Everyone was worried about Mabel, but she was never in danger like he was. 'That's not fair,' he thought 'she was in a little danger, but not 'Getting your body stolen by an all-destructive demon' danger.' he looked around for any evidence that Bill was still around before tucking the journal into the back of his pants under his jacket. He made his way down the ladder to find everyone gathered around Mabel and her reassuring everyone that she was ok. She was making up some story about the rope grabbing her leg and flinging her skywards. 'Well,' he though, 'At least she got a cool story out her play. Even though the guy she put it on for seems totally unimpressed.'

Soos broke off from the crowd to talk to Dipper, "Hey little dood, you doing ok? You don't look that good."

Dipper smiled. "Yea, I'll be ok." Dippers knees gave out a little beneath him, not getting sleep at all the night before, plus having your body inhabited by a demon for a day was a very draining experience. "Hey Soos, could you help me to the car?"

"Yea, sure thing little doo- whoa" Soos reached down to catch a now passed out Dipper.

 

***

 

Dipper barely awoke several hours later, laying on his side. Something was off, he could tell. First off, there was the fact that he was waking up in a different place than he fell asleep in. Never a good sign. But by the way the moonlight infiltrated the room, and the smell, he could tell he was in the attic of his grunkle Stan's Mystery Shack. 

But he could still tell something was off. In his sleepy stature, he twisted his head just enough to feel a constriction around his neck. The preacher costume, they apparently threw him into his bed without taking anything off of him. He was actually kinda happy about that fact, he doesn’t need his grunkle to undress him. But even as he figured that out, there was still something that felt off. 

Oh, his sister was in his bed with him, behind him. 'That's what feels off.' Dipper thought. A wave of relief washed over him after realizing what was wrong. 'Oh wait, why is she in bed with me?' Another wave washed over him, this time of confusion. Right before he was about to turn over to look at her, he felt her hand the side of his torso. Dipper froze. 'Why is she rubbing me?' She continued petting his back, he could hear her heavy breathing, she was slowly going lower and lower until she reached his journal, still there. 'What is she trying to do when I'm asleep?' Dipper thought in abject horror. Her arm went a lot lower, going up his leg, going over his butt, going under his shirt...

"WOAH!" Dipper turned around and shot up, once her fingers touched his bare skin. He regretted it immediately as his back and various bruises screamed at him. "What are you doing there, sis?"

Mabel looked like a deer caught in the headlights, she took a second before answering, "Uhh, I just wanted the journal so I could make sure everything went right today, umm, brother."

"Ohh," Dipper breathed heavy, "Ok, you really ought to ask for that instead of just creeping up on me like this."

"Y-yea," Mabel stuttered. She propped herself up onto her elbow. They stared at each other for a while. "So... Journal?" Mabel started to reach around her brother.

Dipper grabbed her hand and put it down. "That can wait till morning, sis."

Mabel's hand shot up and around her brother, "Give me the journal, Pine Tree!" Her voice echoed unnaturally. 

Dipper shot back, then slammed his arms down on the shoulders of his sister, pinning her down. "Bill?" There was confusion in his voice and a million questions he wanted to ask at once. Did he trick Mabel? Where is his sister now?

Bill just laughed hard in Mabel's body. "Congratulations, Pine Tree, you figured it out, now give me that journal!"

"No! What did you do with Mabel? How did you get in her body?" Dipper question him. He repositioned himself to better hold his sisters body down. One hand on the front of her shoulder, another by her side to help him balance pushing all his weight down on her shoulder to keep Bill from doing anything.

"That little banishing spell your sister didn't quite work, because you interrupted it. Now I got this body!" Bill said, smiling wider than should be possible. "But, if you give me the journal, I might give it back."

"No Bill! I'm not giving you anything. Now where's my sister?" Dipper said.

"Or what, Pine Tree?" Bill grabbed Dipper's hand on his shoulder, "You gonna beat me up?" He forced Dipper's hand sideways, onto his neck, "You gonna choke me to death?" 

Dipper's eye's opened wide, him holding his sister down was one thing, but his hand around her neck? He didn't know what to do, but he knew that he had to stop Bill from doing whatever he was doing.

"Come on Pine tree! Didn't you say you wanted to never see me again? Well here's you chance!" Bill gripped tighter around the hand to his throat and bucked his hips. Dipper had no choice but to force most of his weight onto the throat of his sisters body. "That's the spi-irchk!"

Dipper was mortified, he tried to shift his weight, but as soon as he did, Bill's free hand grabbed the front of Dippers clothing and shifted the weight back onto his throat. "No, Bill, stop this." Dipper pleaded with the demon

Bill laughed, or as much as you can laugh with so much pressure on your throat, and just pulled down harder on the fold of Dipper's clothing he had, his smile as wide as ever.

"Please stop, please! I don't wanna kill my sister!" Dipper sobbed. 

Bill just laughed again, then he choked a bit and his entire body started spasming underneath Dipper. Maybe he was controlling the body, but he still couldn't control the spasms. Dipper used this split second to get his other hand to above his sister's head and forced all his weight onto that instead.

With the first breath she had, Mabel whispered "Dipper-" It was broken, confused, hurt, but most importantly, it wasn't that uniquely echoey voice that Bill used. 

Dipper threw himself back, or tried to at least. The hand around his arm was being held tighter than it should have. This threw him off balance, and made worse by the fact that his feet were caught up either under his sister or in the blankets, he couldn't quite tell within the moment. The end result had both of them falling on the floor. 

"Oh my god, are you ok?" Dipper asked his sister, petting her, straightening her hair, pulling the neck of her sweater down to see if there was any bruising or bleeding.

"Wha-What happened?" Mabel asked, her voice shaky. 

"It was Bill." Dipper rushed to say. He wanted to add 'It's ok, he's gone now.' But he didn't know weather or not that was true. In a second, he would know his answer.

"Ahh, sibling love. How quaint." Bill said. They both tilted their heads up and found Bill hovering in a mirror that was leaned against the wall between their beds. The world looked a little greyer than a moment earlier.

"Get out of here, Bill." Dipper snapped. He continued petting his sister to try to calm her down from the demon that just showed up. 

"Oh believe me, Pine Tree, I would love to do that. But I can't. Because of you." Bill said, absentmindedly twirling his cane. 

"What are you talking about?" Mabel said.

"You know, you'll be quite the witch someday, Shooting Star. Not just anyone can use magic that powerful and not a lot of people that can use magic can use it like you did." His eye shrunk and moved to the top of his body as the majority of it became a impromptu projection screen. The scene is from earlier today, from the view the side where one could see all three of them. Mabel on top of Bipper, Dipper's spirit to the side holding the book. The scene moves forward as Bill narrates. "You see, while Shooting Star was slowly casting this banishing spell, which is generally a good idea for you mortals who want to not spontaneously explode, Dipper started physically pushing me out of his body. Which until today, I didn't even know was possible!" The scene moves forward to Bill popping out of Dippers body, rotating quickly, even in the slow motion that it was in. When Bill's triangular body touches Mabel's head, it gets sucked in and Mabel loses her concentration. "And here's another thing I learned. Apparently I can go into a body without first kicking out the host, which is really weird. Like, dang weird. I heard a good portion of your thoughts today, Shooting Star."

"Oh god kill me now," Mabel says, banging her head on wooden floors.

"I'd love to, but I want out of your body first" Bill said, returning to his normal state.

"Great," Dipper says, "how do we undo it?"

"First off, I need the journal." Bill says.

"Not happening."

Bill groans as he realizes he need to explain more of the basics to these kids. "I need to know the exact wording of the spell, and where it went wrong." Bill becomes a projector again. The scene is two crudely drawn figures. One has a witch's hat, the other has a sword. "Most people if they get interrupted mid sentence of a spell, one of two things happen. The spell either fizzles, and does nothing," The crudely drawn witch raises her hands and makes a ball of swirling energy between them. The crudely drawn swordsman stabs the witch, and her swirling ball of energy dissipates into steam. "Or sometimes the energy chaotically releases into the world, which is fun to watch," The scene resets, but when the witch is stabbed this time, the ball of energy turns into flame, then the entire witches body becomes covered in flames in an instant. "But you, shooting star, you did something rare. Instead, the spell stopped and tried to do whatever it thought you wanted it to do." Again the scene resets, but when the witch is stabbed, the ball of energy remains floating. The swordsman begins to poke at it with his sword.

"Fine, Bill, we will let you see the journal." Dipper says. Bill's eye widens. "In the morning. We need sleep now." Bill's eye glare's at them. 

"You think I want to be stuck with the likes of you all night long?" Bill points his cane at them. "I need to get out of here. There's places I gotta be, dreams I got to haunt." 

"Yes, and there's mortals who gotta get sleep." Dipper says, slowly getting to his feet. "We will help you Bill, but in the morning." He starts to unbutton his costume.

"No, no, no, Pine Tree, You need to help me now." 

Dipper looks around a moment, he grabs the mirror that bill is in and slowly moves it to the floor.

"You really think that'll work, Pine Tree, I'm a being of pure energy, with no weaknes-" He drops the mirror the last half inch and it hit's the floor with a clunk. 

There is sweet silence for a moment, before they both hear his voice again. It sounds like it's screaming, but it sounds very muffled and far away. "WHY IS THIS WORKING?!?!"

The twins look at each other and giggle. Dipper reaches out a hand and helps Mabel to her feet, pulling the blanket with her. "Sorry about today."

"No I'm sorry about today."

They giggle again, before Mabel suddenly frowns. 

"Can you still hear him?" Dipper says, "Like in your head?"

She gives a slight confirming nod, before placing a hand on Dipper's shoulder. She takes it off. She put it on again and repeats this a few times. "I think that he sounds quieter when we're closer."

Dipper smiles and grabs her arm on his shoulder, gently rubbing it. "If you want, you can sleep in my bed tonight. In fact, I insist on it to make up for today."

Mabel punches his arm. "Meany."

"What I do?" Dipper says confused. 

"That means I have to do something else to make up for today." Mabel says. 

Dipper laughs, "It's ok." he takes off the bulk of his costume, leaving a white t-shirt and pants.

They climb into bed, it takes a little while of rearranging themselves before the two teenagers can comfortably fit onto a single twin mattress. 

"Love you bro-bro." She squeezed the arm thrown over her. 

"Love you sis."

****  
Eloo wklqnv euhdwklqj lv ryhuudwhg dqbzdbv.


	2. Another (Ab)Normal Day

The first though in Dippers mind when he woke up was how much his eyes hurt. Several thoughts following it was about similar feeling in other body parts. Another thought describes how asleep his arm felt, and how massively tingly it was, like there was a large weight on it. He opened his eyes to see his sister lying down on his arm and snippets of yesterday slowly began to fill his mind.

Each and every one of them made him cringe. From making a deal with a demon, watching that demon do horrific things to his body, to only being able to communicate through a badly made puppet, each memory made him want to leave this plane of existence. When he remembered what happened last night, he probably would have started hitting himself in the head, chanting 'stupid, stupid, stupid'. Unfortunately for his self-loathing, his hands were far too wrapped up in a sleeping girl. 

He took a deep breath and slowly removed his sleeping arm from under his sleeping sister, trying not to wince as the sensations changed into shooting pains. From that point, it was easy enough to untangle himself from the sheets and climb out of bed. Mabel groaned a bit, but as far as Dipper could tell, she was still fast asleep. 

Dipper shuffled out of the room and down to the bathroom to get a good look at himself. The bags under his eyes were about ten times worse, there were scratches and poke marks up and down his arms, there was some scratch on the side of his face that he doesn't even know what from. He lifted up his shirt and saw large splotchy bruises covering his torso. For a split second, he thought that choking out a demon seems like a good idea. 

In the middle of brushing his teeth, he heard a noise coming from his room, like something being knocked over. He walked back up to his room hoping not to see Bill climbing on the walls or making his head turn around 180 degrees or something like that. He gave a sigh of relief when all he saw was Mabel sitting on her own bed with her sweater over her head. 

He crossed his arms, toothbrush still in hand, and leaned against the wall. "Mabel, what are you doing in sweatertown?" He said playfully.

Mabel jumped a little bit, like not expecting anyone was there. "What the fuck is sweatertown?!?!" She screamed out in a familiar echo.

Dipper winced. "Bill..."

"What?" Not quite screaming, but still louder than necessary.

"Bill, what are you doing in that sweater?" Dipper cautiously took a few steps till he was in front of Bill.

Bill shifted his head around. "I-I'm trying to get this thing off."

Dipper tilted his head, "Do you not know how to take a sweater off?"

"Excuse me for not knowing something I've never had to do before." Bill waved his arms around, well, waved one around and had the other flap underneath the fabric of the sweater.

"I though you were suppose to be an all seeing, all knowing demon." Dipper shot an accusatory look at this demon outwitted by a sweater.

"I can see lots of things, doesn't mean any of you fleshpuppets are ever interesting enough to pay attention too." Dipper could tell from the sound of his voice that he was at least a little embarrassed.

"So that all knowing part is bunk then?" Dipper smiled at this being that made himself sound so amazing having difficulty with this task that he personally mastered when he was four.

"You gonna help me or not, Pine Tree?" Bill said, almost screaming again.

Dipper stepped back at the sudden noise, then slowly approached the demon, being careful to avoid any sudden movements from the demon, still thinking that this was likely to be some sort of trap.

"Alight, umm, lift your arms up. No not like that." "How many ways are there to lift arms?" "Just follow my lead" "Like this?" "No, how are you so bad at this?" "AHH! I'm pretty sure hair pulling is not suppose to happen!" "Yea and I'm pretty sure you're not suppose to possess my sister!"

Dipper finally got the sweater off, fumbling backward with it in his hands. As soon as he he looked up, he froze. 

Bill was staring at him. He looked like a mess. Mabel's hair flowed in front of his face and all around his body, it was covering him slightly. But not nearly enough for Dipper not to notice that he was currently standing in front of the topless body of his sister. "What now?" Bill barked.

"Yo-yo-you're not wearing a bra or anything..." Dipper stuttered at a loss for words.

"Yea, and I've never worn a sweater before today too." Bill said, completely uncaring at his nudity.

Dipper tried to pay attention to anything other than what could be described as the first pair of tits he's ever seen, even if they were barely anything to speak of, and also attached to his sister. Trying to avoid staring while explaining to a demon why he shouldn't be topless was not going well. "G-girls are suppose to cover up their fronts," Dipper eventually spat out.

Bill's face instantly took on a confused look. He pulled his hair to the side while looking down at his chest. "Oh you mean these things?" Bill said while grabbing and pushing together the small amount of flesh that was there. 

"AHH!" Dipper scrambled to push something in front of his face to stop himself from staring. He shoved the sweater in his hands up and instantly regretted it. It was one of those 'glitter sweaters' and he now realized that he was probably going to sparkle like a bad fanfiction vampire for the rest of the day. "You need to put something on, Bill!"

"Or what, Pine Tree? Are you really that afraid of these things? Oh wow, that feels kinda interesting." Bill said laughing all the while.

Dipper screamed some more. He couldn't tell what Bill was doing, but he knew it couldn't be anything good. "Aarhh! Why are you in my sisters body?"

Bill laughed, then he paused, then he laughed again some more. "You know, Pine Tree, with as much fun as it is watching you panic over a pair of nipples, I can tell your sister just woke up so I'm going to let her deal with you, ok?"

"What?" Dipper tore the sweater from his face, "No no no no, at least put something on first-"

Bill threw his head back and closed his eyes with his face pointed at the ceiling for a while. Dipper thought he was going to tip over before coming back and looking around.

"Dipper?" Mabel said, still coming too.

Dipper sighed with relief. "Mabel..."

"Dipper, why are you holding my sweater?" Mabel was trying to get a grasp on the situation.

He tried to put together words that would accurately explain the last five minuets but all that managed to come out was, "Uhhh."

"DIPPER! Why am I naked?" She screamed, quickly pulling a blanket over herself. "Were you trying to do things to me?"

"Wh-wha- No!" Dipper scrambling for a reasonable explanation of why he just undressed his sister and wow that sounded really bad in his head. "B-Bill!" Dipper finally managed to squeak out.

Mabel looked at him for a second, her face changing from an angry confusion, to realization, straight back to angry confusion. "Were you trying to do stuff with Bill?"

"What? No! Why would you think I was trying to do stuff with Bill? Who would think that?" Dipper said hastily. He regretted saying it like that since he saw a small wave of fear come over his sister's face. 

Dipper took a deep breath, "Look when I got up this morning and came back from the bathroom, I saw Bill in here trying to take off your sweater. He said he didn't know how to take off the sweater, so I helped him, not realizing you weren't wearing anything underneath." Dipper hand out the sweater to his sister. He shuddered again, "I'm sorry for all this."

Mabel reached out for the sweater, less panicked, but still trying to get a grasp on the situation. "Ok then." Her breathing was slow and deliberate. She put her arms through the sweater she was just handed. "Wait a second, didn't Bill change outfits yesterday?" Mabel said pointing at the pastor's coat hanging over the end of Dipper's bed.

Dipper looked back and forth between the costume parts on his bed and Mabel's confused glare several times. "Ok, I don't have an answer for that. Umm, do you think you could ask Bill? Could you possible contact him?" Dipper said, almost wanting an answer to that question more than the question about the costume.

Mabel looked away and scrunched up her face in concentration, trying to psychically speak loud enough that Dipper could've almost swore he heard her. Then her face turned into absolute horror, slowing turning into anger.

"Umm," Dipper started, shifting his weight to his other leg. "Did you get an answer?"

"I'm going to kill her." Mabel said coldly. She finished pulling down her sweater and stood up. 

"Umm, who?" Dipper said worried. In the back of his mind, he knew that there was no chance of Mabel ever killing anyone, but being possessed by a demon didn't seem like a decent thing for rational thought and action.

"Grenda," Mabel said, her voice filled with anger. "Apparently she _help me dress up, but seemed kinda handsy about it_ ," her voice echoed a bit while directly quoting Bill.

Dipper winced at the thought of that large and awkward girl handling his semi-naked body. He thought for a second for something that might comfort his sister, "Well at least he's made both of us naked in front of somebody else." 

Mabel slammed her eyes shut, Dipper realized that that probably wasn't the comforting at all. She opened her eyes again, "So how do we get rid of this thing?"

"Journal!" Bill barked. Dipper spent a second trying to locate where exactly his voice came from, since it didn't come from his sister's mouth, before Bill barked again. "Sooner the better!"

Dipper shook his head and retrieved his journal from under his pillow. "Alright, alright Bill." He said holding the book close to his chest open to the necessary page. "What can you tell us?"

Mabel closed her eyes for a second. When she reopened them, she glared at Dipper's lack of trust. She thrust her hands back and leaned forwards to get a better look at the journal. Her voice made an echoy whisper in the same language of the incantation she cast yesterday. After studying the spell, she shot back up. 

"It's worse than I thought." Bill spoke worried through Mabel's mouth. "This is in an old demonic language, and it's badly worded at that." He scratched his head. "I'm going to need some time to think about this. You kids do.." Bill trailed off for a second not knowing exactly what their day-to-day lives were like, "whatever you do."

Dipper watched as he saw Mabel's body from the stoic and thoughtful possession of Bill back to his own confused and scared sister. He threw the journal onto his bed and went to comfort her. "It's going to be ok," Dipper said reassuringly, he didn't know what else to say, and he sure as hell didn't know if anything 'was going to be ok'.

Mabel threw her arm's around his torso and gave a large sob. "Oh god what are we gonna do?" She cried into his chest, "I can't be possessed by demons, this is suppose to be summer break. This was suppose to be filled with summer romance and endless ice cream."

"There, there, Mabel," Dipper said while stroking her, trying to comfort her. He thought back to all her summer romances and how badly they turned out, and he couldn't help but feel sorry for her. He also tried to think back to the last time they had ice cream, but he couldn't recall off hand. "Hey at least you still have your body more than he does, unlike when he took control of me. I could only watch as he beat my body up for no reason."

Mabel giggled, it made Dipper's heart swell up thinking that he made his sister stop crying. "Thank you for being here." Mabel sighed, obviously more calm. "But what are we going to do now?"

Dipper grabbed his sister and looked her straight in the eyes. "We'll find a way to take care of him. Promise." 

Mabel smiled at him before hearing a voice from downstairs, "Kids! A tour van just showed up, get your keisters down here, now!" 

Dipper was pretty sure that their grunkle would still be barking demands at them even if they both lost a leg. Dipper thought for a second and was almost surprised that nothing like that happened yet. Chased my monsters, possessed by demons, and yet the worst thing to come out of it was a bruised rib. Which he was reminded of when Mabel was hugging him. He looked at his sister, "For right now, that's what we do." Dipper said tilting his head downstairs towards his grunkle's voice. "If Bill bothers you, you come straight to me, ok?"

"Ok, bro-bro." Mabel smiled. Dipper thought everything might turn out ok.

 

****  
Frph rq grzq wr vzhdwhuwrzq dqg irujhw brxu wurxeohv.


	3. You Are Now Spoken For

The day was very typical for Dipper. From quickly having to sweep up and set up the gift shop in time for Wendy to show up, having to litter pick the parking lot, to being forced into acting the role of Grunkle Stan's latest 'attraction', the Moaning Rock. 

"Look here, such an oddity we have for you today folks!" Grunkle Stan announced to unsuspecting tourists, "The deep wells of steam and pressure hidden underneath this town forces it's way up to the surface to make the most ghastly sounds that you've ever heard!" As he wiggled his fingers, the audience held their breath in anticipation.

Grunkle Stan tapped the fake rock that Dipper was underneath with his cane, which was Dipper's cue. "MMMMAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Dipper moaned out from his hidy hole while pressing the button for a fog machine, making a very neat effect. It wasn't as bad as 'pre-teen werewolf', but it still wasn't anywhere near pleasant. 

There were several ooh's and ahh's coming from the audience and the showmaster grunkle smiled as he knew he had impressed his guests. "Is that all the Moaning Rock™ has for us today?" He said while giving the fake rock a slight kick.

Dipper shook his head while turning the fog machine up to full blast. "FFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!" He moaned louder until he felt a sharp kick against the side of the rock. 

"Well folks, let us see what other oddities we have around here," The anger in his voice was palatable, but quickly trailed off as he led the group to another part of the mystery shack grounds. 

Dipper took the chance to crawl out from underneath the rock and stretch out a little bit. As well as rub his shoulder that just got a tacky fake rock shoved into it. He walked into the gift shop to find Wendy absentmindedly staring into a magazine. 

"Hey Dip," Wendy started, not looking up from her magizine. "How's attraction duty treating you?"

Dipper sighed, "It's fine when I'm not also being kicked into submission." Dipper looked around, "Have you seen Mabel recently?"

Wendy though for a moment, "I think the last time I saw her is when Stan made her go downstairs to sort out some of the gift shop supplies."

"Hey," Dipper started, he knew the uncomfortable reality that the next sentence had the possibility of being answered with a question rather than an actual response, but he knew he had to ask it. "Has Mabel seemed normal today?"

"Haha, when is Mabel ever normal?" Wendy said, flipping a page in her magazine.

"No, seriously." Dipper looked straight at her.

She put her magazine down. "Is something wrong with her?"

"No." Dipper knew that was a lie and the way he said it, he was pretty sure that she knew it was a lie too. "Nothing you should worry about." He added quickly. 

Wendy looked at him and tried to decide if she should push it, or keep out of it. She wanted to help, but knew from too much experience of what happens when trying to help people that very much do not want help. "She seems like her normal, weirdo self."

"Oh, ok, cool."

Wendy tried to think back to all the stuff she's seen Mabel do today, "You know, playing with her pig, throwing glitter on everything, burning scraps of paper in a blue flame in her hand instead of just throwing it away like a normal person."

Dipper immediately became worried. "That seemed normal to you?" 

"Just seemed like a regular pyromaniac, like all three of my brothers." Wendy scoffed of the memory of them.

"No, I mean the blue flame coming from her hand." Dipper said seriously.

"I guess that's a little weird." Wendy picked up her magazine again, "I'm use to weird coming from you guys though."

Dipper didn't know whether to take that as a good thing or a bad thing. He started back towards the inside of the mystery shack where he knew the stairs were, "I should find Mabel."

"Wait, Dipper." Wendy called out. Dipper was halfway though the door and stopped on a dime. There was something about Wendy's voice that made it seem like there was about to be a serious talk. "About yesterday..."

He scrunched his face up so tight it hurt, whatever this was about, it couldn't be good. Dipper tried to pull over a poker face before slowly turning around. He wanted to scream out about how sorry he was, he couldn't remember anything that Bill did in his body, but he knew that it could not have been good. "Yes?" he squeaked out.

"Yesterday, you seemed really..." Wendy started, pausing while she tried to look for the right word.

His mind raced in the small pause of her sentence 'Oh god, she's going to say that I was a jerk, or that I threatened to tear out her families eyeballs. Or that I groped her, oh god, I probably groped her. She's going to say we can't hang out and she never wants to see me again, I just know it, I just know it!'

"Confident." Wendy finished.

Dipper's eyes widened. That's an answer he didn't expect, "Excuse me?"

"Well," Wendy started, looking for words that correctly explained how she felt, and didn't make it seem like she thought a guy three years younger than her was acting rather sexy. "You seemed really in control, like you knew what you were doing."

Dipper was still trying to grasp the situation, "Is that a good thing?"

"Well, yea" Wendy said. She flipped her hair back and looked away, "Most of the guys in this town couldn't take control of a group of five year old's, not to mention anyone they find attractive." She looked back at the boy trying his hardest to seem like a normal person and not an exploding mass of awkwardness, apologies, and a whole list of other words that would embody the opposite of 'Confident'. "Even you tend to have a stench of awkwardness that everyone can smell from a mile away."

Dipper instinctively looked to his armpit and took a whiff, "Umm, I didn't get a chance to shower this morning."

Wendy laughed, "That's not what I meant and you know it. Good job playing it off though." She smiled at Dipper wondering if this was the same boy she knew all summer. 

Dipper was trying to process several things at once, first off the fact the Bill apparently did something to impress a girl he was interested in, he remembers similar feelings when Robbie was trouncing around as Wendy's boyfriend. Second, the girl he impressed thought that it was all him, which he was happy that Wendy was giving him some positive attention in that area, even though it almost felt like stealing. A second later he decided he did not mind stealing Wendy, or stealing from Bill. And third, she like confidence. Why did she have to like confidence, why couldn't she like comic books, or unintelligible babbling? He was good at unintelligible babbling, especially when Wendy was around. 

He felt is mouth move and he heard the words come from his mouth before he knew what he was saying. "So you want to come with me to a movie tonight? Like a theater and not just in our rooms." Dipper said. He felt is mouth smile. On the inside he felt absolute horror that his body decided to start flirting against his wishes. He didn't know what was happening, but he knew that trying to move his face was a bad idea. 

Wendy stared at him, she smiled again, more with her eyes than with her mouth. "I'd like that."

"Great." Dipper said, short and to the point. He spun around and left out the open door, shutting it quickly behind him, before any more words can come out of his mouth without his consent.

Wendy was a bit confused at his sudden departure, but that didn't stop her yelling out after him, "You know when I get off work!"

...

Dipper dropped to the floor against the wall in the Mystery Shack's main room, trying to figure out what all was happening. He knew one thing for certain and he whispered it under his breath. "I'm going to kill that triangle."

"I'd like to see you try, kid." 

Dipper heard Bill's undeniably unique voice, he looked around for a source, but couldn't find it. "Where are you?" Dipper demanded. 

"You have no idea, do you?" Bill asked, then laughed into an empty room. 

"I swear to god Bill." Dipper jumped to his feet and started looking around for any reflections he might hide in, or anything with is signet on it. It wasn't easy with all these horrible excuses for 'mysterious objects' lining the walls and in boxes of glass.

"Hey, Pine Tree! Check out this new trick I learned!" Bill said unnaturally loudly.

Dipper felt a large and sudden smack against the side of his face, he spins around as he drops to the floor, confirming the knowledge he held a second ago, of 'there's no one else in the room', but confounded by the fact that he just got smacked in the face. This day has been nothing but one confusing event after another. He stayed still on the floor, looking first with his eyes and then with his head to try to identify who, or what, smacked him. He propped himself up with his left hand looking around a bit more. When he tried to throw his right hand behind him to stand up, he found that his right hand wouldn't exactly follow his instruction.

He looked down at his hand to find two of his fingers propping his hand off the floor. As soon as he looked over, he heard Bill's voice again, "Lalalalalalalala, Watch me dance!" Bill sung as he moved Dipper's fingers in a fake can-can.

"AHH!" Dipper threw his left hand over to pin his right arm down.

"This is the best day!" Bill shouted out while moving Dipper's hand like a mouth, "No, wait I know what would make it better, if I could make the mounted animal heads laugh with me! Hahahahaha!" As Bill laughed, Dipper didn't know if he was still trying to do the hand mouth thing, or just moved on to doing jazz hands. 

"How are you doing this?" Dipper asked, trying to get his right arm to stay still.

Bill resumed doing the normal hand mouth thing and spoke, "I just realized that the wording of the spell you messed up means that I'm bound to the both of you." Bill's pointed an index finger at Dipper, "Now you can hear me in your head too!"

"How I wish I could replace you with a chainsaw right now." Dipper cursed under his breath. 

"Oh, that's not very nice, Pine Tree." He stopped the hand mouth thing and made his arm twist and start propping Dipper's body up, "I only want to explain this once, so I need you to go see Shooting Star." 

Dipper followed his right hand's lead and got up. A flash of an image of Mabel in their room popped into his head and he traversed up the stairs to meet her. 

***

Noddwx Edudgd Qlqfrpsrrsv


	4. Chapter 4

As Dipper walked in to the attic, Mabel looked up and stopped knitting the half sweater in her hands. Dipper couldn't quite make out what it was going to become, but he was pretty sure that he saw the top half of Waddle's head being sculpted out of yarn. Dipper reached out for a hug, and Mabel threw her supplies on her bed to accept it. 

"Has he been bothering you today?" Dipper asked while quickly eying his sister for any new bumps or bruises, not that it would do much considering most of her body is under a giant sweater.

"He's actually been rather quiet for most of the day, and really quiet recently," Mabel replied "I think he only took over my body once, he also asked before hand too."

"Why would you let him?"

"Because he said he wanted to try some magic in my body, and I wanted to see some magic." Mabel's eyes widened as she spoke, "And you know what, I saw some magic!"

Dipper mentally added a new item of 'having an unpredictable dangerous demon make my sister smile' to the list of 'Things that produce contradictory feelings.' At this rate, Bill would be the subject of most items on the list. 

"Do you remember the incantation?" Dipper's mouth spoke out before he could do anything. The same feeling as earlier. Having your body do things without your permission is something that Dipper doubted that he could ever get use to. 

Mabel thought about this as she broke from the hug, she held her hand out and whispered, "Hoq Jo Dahz Vae Zojak Buno" Her hand erupted into blue flames and she started giggling as she accomplished it. She moved her hand's closer together as if to clap before realizing that clapping with one hand on fire would probably be a bad idea.

"Wow, wow, um, wow." Dipper took a step back and wondered if being taught magic, especially fire magic, was anywhere near a good thing for his sister.

Dipper felt his body turn around and reach to the floor, Dipper tensed his body up and managed to get his body to stop moving, abet in a convoluted position. He felt his body move forward again, he managed to stop it again before it moved an inch.

"Are you dancing or something?" Mabel asked while shaking the demon fire off her hands. 

"Nooooo." Dipper slowly spoke as to not break his concentration. "I'm trying to retain control of my body."

"I gotta say, I'm impressed kid." Bill spoke to Dipper directly in his head. "But I was just trying to help." Dipper scrunched his face up at the though. "Now would you kindly grab that mirror and prop it up, so I don't have to take over one of your body's to talk?"

Dipper sighed, he wanted to fight him and didn't want to do a damn thing he said, but his logic was sound, and he hated that. He did as the demon kindly asked, propping the mirror against his bed and sitting him and his sister on her bed. The air cracked a bit before most, but not all, of the color drained from the room. A small yellow triangle appeared in the mirror.

"Hmm." The demon said, surveying the room, "Apparently I can't pull you all the way into the mindscape, but at least this lets me project myself."

"Sad," Mabel groaned while looking down at her once technicolor pile of sweaters.

Dipper detested this small talk, but wouldn't be surprised if Bill beat around the bush for another ten minuets. "So, what are we here for?"

Bill looked straight at the two of them, "Shooting Star, Pine Tree," He said tipping his hat, Dipper instinctively grabbed on tight to the mattress, remembering the last time Bill wildly swung his hat around. "So nice of you to say hello!"

Dipper shook his head before calling out to him in a fake cheery voice, "Hi, how's your day? When are you leaving?" Dipper let his face go back to the anger it held a second before. "Happy now?"

"Oh, Pine Tree, You'll never pull the ladies with that attitude," Bill said bashfully.

"Yea what is with that?" Dipper asked.

Mabel looked back and forth between the two of them, "What is with what?"

"Dipper has a date for tonight," Bill said, proudly.

"Oh. My. God. Dipper." Mabel said, "Why didn't you tell me?" She playfully whacked his brother's arm. 

Dipper didn't expect this to come up, "Because it happened like ten minuets ago!"

"That's plenty of time to tell me about your first date, you dork!" Mabel said, hitting her brother again, "Who's it with? Who's it with?"

Dipper stuttered, he didn't like this being brought up so soon after that unpleasant incident, "I-It's Wendy, ok?"

Mabel put her mouth over her hands, "I thought she didn't like you like that?"

Dipper pointed a finger at the floating triangle, "It was him!"

"You're Welcome!" The triangle squeaked.

"Why did you even do that?" Dipper asked, "I know that was you flirting with her."

"Ehh, I know you like her, and I wanted to do something nice for you," Bill scratched the back of his head. "Occasionally I like to play matchmaker."

Dipper shook his head, "I don't believe that for a sec-"

"OH MY GOSH, I love playing matchmaker too!" Mabel shouted out over her brother. 

"It's a hobby," Bill said shrugging his shoulders. 

Dipper was getting angry again, "I don't think most matchmakers force themselves into the body of someone they wanna make a match with."

"Ever seen one of those drama's were the smart guy is feeding the dumb guy all these romantic lines to say to the girl? It's pretty much that." Bill pointed. "With you being the dumb guy."

"Wait," Mabel raised her finger pointed back and forth between the two, "How'd he force you to do anything?"

"Oh, that's why we're here, isn't it?" Bill chimed in and started explaining more of what he figured out. "That spell of yours wording roughly translates to 'Rip yourself away and be here never again'. But since you got cut off in the middle of it, the wording changed more or less to 'Be here'. So it acted more or less like a binding spell to the nearest thing, which happened to be the two of you." Bill looked at them, "I never heard of spell binding something to more than one object, but I think you two being twins probably helped a good deal."

"So what all does that mean?" Mabel asked. 

"Hmm," Bill began searching for the right words, "A demon bound to a living thing, compared to an object, can be a lot more secure, because it uses the being's own life force to renew the spell. Almost no binding spell to an object, without being renewed, will last more than a decade. While a spell to person or animal will last until their death."

"So we're stuck with you until we die?" Dipper shouted out.

"No, no, no." Bill said. "Maybe. It's just that I can't force myself out, most likely. I'm still working out most of the details of how this shindig works anyways. This messed up spell is definitely the most unique thing I've heard of. Like most of the time, demons can't directly control their host like I can, only being able to speak in their heads and force them to feel various emotions."

"But we can get rid of you though?" Mabel asked.

"Oh yes," Bill started. "And it'll be a lot easier considering that you two want me out."

"So how do we do that?" Dipper considered getting something to right notes on, he was probably going to put all of this into the journal.

"To be honest, I could probably teach you two a spell to undo that madness that you did." Bill started to peter out as he explained more, "But, to make sure that it doesn't make stuff worse from the messed up spell you did, I'd need to teach you a lot more of the demonic language than I feel comfortable with."

"I think I'd be ok with that." Dipper said. 'This might be horrible,' he thought, 'But it'll be worth it to get knowledge that normally wouldn't get traded away.'

"Would you, kid?" The room darkens. "Greater men than you have tried learn these ancient secrets," Inky black tentacles crawled up the reflection of the mirror, "Many of them fell into madness upon learning the first seven letters." Bill's body quickly flashed between three scenes; The first, a man, his mouth agape while reading from a book with black tears streaming down his face. The second, the same man in a straight jacket with foam dripping from his mouth being held down by two burly orderlies. The third, a somewhat familiar scene featuring McGucket roasting a possum over a barrel fire. "Could you really do better," The black tentacles within the mirror faze though the horizon and start reaching out into the room, "-Than countless scholars that have come before you," His body flashes again, this time between two scenes of a gathering of men in dark robes in a candlelit room, an another scene of those same men fallen dead on the floor covered in blood and the same inky black tentacles quickly filling the attic, "-And have learned nothing more in centuries of research than you know now?" 

Dipper and Mabel scramble backward onto the bed as the tentacles reached towards them. Dipper grabbed a baseball bat and lifted it over his head. Mabel extended her arm with her hand flat out to protect herself against the mass and cried out "STOP!"

And everything stopped, the tentacles froze in place, before retracting in less than a second, which sent a gust of wind towards the mirror as the room returned to the sepia color it was before. 

The twins were still trying to catch their breath while Bill calmly started the conversation again. "So we're in agreement that teaching you more than you need to know is not an option then?"

"Was that necessary?" Dipper shouted angrily at the demon's trick.

"It was fun, just look," Bill pointed to Mabel rocking back and forth in the corner. "She'll remember that for years to come." Dipper glared at the demon even harder. "Don't worry, she'll be fine."

Dipper's grip around the baseball bat tightened. "So how do we get rid of you again?"

"There's a couple of things we can try, I'm working on a few of them." Bill said as he began fading away, "But there's not a lot more we can do here, kid, so I'll see you around!"

"Wait, no!" Dipper reached out, but in a flash, Bill was gone and the room returned to looking like their room. He sighed before turning to comfort his sister. 

"AND GOOD LUCK ON YOUR DATE TONIGHT, PINE TREE!!!"

Dipper winced.


	5. Chapter 5

Mabel was catatonic after the dream demon's trick of tentacles that almost took her and her brother away. She only stayed like that for 5 minuets before Dipper rubbed peanut butter on her stomach and threw Waddles on top of her, which worked way better as a tickle monster than any playful parent or sinister sibling. 

Dipper, happy that his sister would soon return to her normal self, went back downstairs to work out the rest of his day. Sweeping things, being a rock, avoiding Wendy in case he said something incredibly stupid in front of her. Yep, normal day. It wasn't until the sun was setting and Grunkle Stan finished up selling knick-knacks to the last of the tourists before Bill bothered Dipper again.

'I'm not going to let you go on this date with me,' Dipper thought to the demon in his head. 'Not happening, no way no how.'

'You have to, Pine Tree,' Bill thought back in an argumentative tone. 'You know you're going to mess this up if it's all you.'

'Hey, I got lady skills, I can pull this off.'

'Hmmm, Hmmm' Bill made a sound of papers being ruffled, 'Let's see here, you got ZERO. GAME.' Dipper winced as the thoughts boomed in his head. 'Face it kid, you need me.'

'No thanks, as much as I appreciate the offer' Dipper thought for a moment if he had any feelings towards Bill that could be described as 'appreciative'.

'Hmm, tell you what kid. Let's make a deal.'

Dipper audibly groaned. 

Grunkle Stan turned around from the tourist he was trying to sell 'Pixy Dropping(just regular deer dropping lovingly coated in glitter by his niece)' to watch his nephew for a moment. Dipper was busy sweeping away most of the shack, except for the flinching and groaning ever few seconds. 'I should do something to help that kid,' he thought to himself. 'Puberty is rough on everyone.'

'I don't think any deal of yours would be worth taking,' Dipper thought while trying to push Bill out of his mind to focus on sweeping up the shack. 'You'll probably just take over my body so you can rip out her teeth or something.'

'Jeeze, kid, just hear me out.' Bill spoke trying to reassure his host. 'If you let me come along, I promise not to take over your body during this date of yours, except when I can tell you're about to do something stupid.'

'Which you think is all the time.'

Bill ignored his comment, 'If you let me come along, I promise you will get a kiss by the end of the night.'

Dipper stopped. 'A kiss from Wendy?'

'Yes sir.'

'And you're not going to do anything weird with my body?'

'I will be a perfect little gentleman on this date of yours.'

Dipper weighed out the pros and cons in his head. He knew he was probably getting tricked. He knew that there was some twist in the demon's wording that would probably have him sacrificing a goat in the middle of the woods in a few hours. But his heart stopped as he thought about Wendy's lips. The idea of their lips meeting would probably send his hormone filled body around the world and back just to have a chance. "Fine," he whispered under his breath.

Dipper felt his lips smile. He tried to frown at Bill taking over his face, but he was still smiling at the end of it. 

 

***

 

As Dipper walked outside, he noticed Wendy looking at her phone, leaning against the shack. She looked up and shouted, "Hey, almost thought you weren't going to make it."

"Of course I made it," Dipper said, trying to act confident, "I could think of worse ways ways to waste nights."

Wendy gasped and stared at him with wide open eyes, looking hurt.

'Great job, Pine Tree, first thing that comes out of your flappy mouth makes her hate you.' 

Dipper smiled and try to act cool as Wendy leaned away from the shack and started walking down the road. "You don't think that a night with me would be wasted, do you?" She started playfully.

'I got this Pine Tree' Bill thought as Dipper could feel his body being take over. "Well it would seem like a waste if I never paid attention to the movie," Bill said turning his head to look down the backside of Wendy's body.

Wendy gasped even harder, "Oh my god."

'What the heck,' Dipper thought panicking, 'That was totally inappropriate she's probably going to slap me now!'

'Wait for it.'

Wendy busted out laughing, "Hahaha! And he comes out swinging."

The both of them start walking to town, 'That was not cool, dude,' Dipper thought, 'I thought she was going to do kill me for a second.'

'Fine, fine,' Bill responded, 'I'll give you a chance to mess up again.'

'I'm not gonna mess up I got this' Dipper though. 

"So," Wendy started, "What do you have planned for the movies?" 

"Uhh," Dipper made something on the spot, "I was thinking about Tiger Fist 4: The Tigering."

"What!" Wendy shouted, "That movie's been out for weeks and I've seen it twice already." She looked over to Dipper, "In fact I think I've told you that I've seen it twice."

'You are on fire today, Pine Tree. No, I take that back, I think you would be better if you were on fire'

'Aaarg' Dipper mentally shouted.

"Well how about Lady Chatterley's Lover?" Bill says. 

"What?" Wendy laughs, "That romance crap? Are you sure you are still Dipper?"

Dipper snorts, both mentally and physically. 'Lady Chatterley's Lover that's what you're going with Bill? Is that really better then seeing a movie for the third time?'

'Watch me play my angle, Pine Tree.' "Excuse me for trying to plan out this date," Bill said grabbing his chest, "And I thought I had some good stuff going on."

"That's your good stuff?" Wendy asks with disbelief in her voice.

"Okay, I got one more idea," Bill says holding up a finger. "But please don't shoot this one down." 

"Fine, fine." Wendy says, "What's your plan?"

"How about Space Zombie Lincoln?"

"Ooh, horror film. That was your plan all along, wasn't it?"

"What me? Evil plans? I don't know what you're talking about." Bill laughs uncomfortably. Dipper is not impressed with Bill's impression of him. Okay, he's a little impressed.

"You had this planned out." Wendy stared him down, "Get your first two ideas shot down so I have go to this scary movie. The girl gets scared and snuggles up next to you," she says mimicking Stan. "You know his speal."

"No idea what you're talking about," Bill says, cool as ever.

"I bet you even made one of those stupid list again," Wendy says, "Your sister told me about that, you know."

Bill forced himself to have a few more uncomfortable laughs. "What? No, hahaha, no." He says reaching into Dipper's vest and pulling out a long strip of paper, crumpling it up and throwing into a nearby bush.

'What was that?' Dipper tried to rack his brain for what he had in that pocket. 'That wasn't anything important, was it?'

'Just a receipt, calm down. I feel like I have a voice of a hyper-nervous field mouse inside my brain'

'No, it is you who is inside my brain!' Dipper thought trying to regain some control over the situation. 'It is you who is inside the field mouse!'

Bill stayed silent. He felt a wave of embarrassment come from his host as he realized how stupid that last thought was.

Wendy gasped and looked back and forth between the boy and the white speck of paper in the bush, "You didn't." 

Bill looked at her and smiled, "Don't worry, Red, I memorized it."

Wendy gasped even harder, she wondered how many more times she would gasp before the night is up. "You didn't!" She said as she hit him in the arm.

"Hahaha," Bill gave a hearty genuine laugh this time. "I'm just messing with you, that was a receipt."

Wendy looked back at the white crumple of paper in the distance, seemed plausible that it was a receipt at one point. "I'm not sure if I should believe you..."

"You're not the only one." Dipper said aloud. 

They both let that hang in the air for a short time until they came upon their destination, the theater. 

"So, how you gonna pay for this?" Wendy spoke aloud when the theater came in sight 

Dipper put a hand over his wallet. It was thin as ever, defiantly not holding enough for two movie tickets. Maybe if they accept partially stamped 'buy Ten sandwiches, get the Eleventh free' coupons for a corner store another state away. He spent a few seconds mentally prodding at Bill, no response. 'Hello?' he tried to say in his own head, a second later, he realized that this was the natural state of things, of not hearing voices inside his head. If that was true, why was he still panicking?

"Hello? Earth to Dipper?" Wendy said. "Or are you just going to grab your butt all night?"

Dipper took in a sharp intake of breath realizing he was the one that needed to respond to Wendy. "Uhh," Dipper started, trying not to panic. "Why am I the one paying?"

"Because it's not a date if the guy doesn't pay, silly." Wendy said, realizing that she was probably going to have to pay for this date. 

"Oh, we're dating now?" Dipper stumbled, "Like starting right now?"

Dipper felt a familiar presence enter his mind, 'Smoooooooth.'

"Are you really bummed about that?" Wendy asked.

'Where the heck have you been?' Dipper screamed to his headmate.

'Testing things.' Bill thought proudly, 'It is a lot harder to get to your sister's head the farther away you two are.'

'Great, good to know. Don't put me on the spot again like that.'

'Ahhh, is Pine Tree missing my helpful advice?' Bill moved Dipper hand from on top of his wallet, back to the vest pocket it was earlier. 'Here's some, don't just grab your own ass for 8 hours straight.'

"You know," Bill started. "This whole 'man pays for everything' is an outdated and sexist concept." Bill knew full well that wouldn't impress her at all, but he had to do something to fix Pine Tree's mess.

"Mh-hum, Sure" Wendy said as she started pulling out her wallet.

Bill continued, "This is the twenty-first century, we're equal partners now."

"So we gonna split this fifty-fifty?" Wendy asked.

'Do you even have enough for that?' Bill thought. 

Dipper started, 'Well, ummm-'

Bill shook his head and cut him off, "Alright Red, I can do one better."

Wendy raised an eyebrow, "How?"

"We both pay into the date," Bill started, the tone of his voice reminiscent of a car salesman trying to sell a known lemon. "According to how much Stan pays us."

"That sounds fair and everything," Wendy grabbed another bill from her wallet, "But I know I'm going to get the raw end of the deal."

"Blame the American tax system, not me." Bill starts doing some mental calculations, "You make minimum wage right."

"Yep, as minimum as your Grunkle can. You?"

"He pays me a whole two dollars an hour." Bill says, faking pride. 

"Wow, how does he get away with that?"

"He justifies it by saying he takes out for room and board." Bill snaps his fingers, "I know, I'll make it up to you. I'll let you sleep in my bed for a night."

"And he swings again," Wendy points both her arms to Dipper, presenting him to no one in particular. "Look at this kid go!"

"Thank you, thank you." Bill says, taking a bow. Wendy shakes her head. 

***

The movie was rather fun. Cheap acting on top of a cheap set overlayed with cheap special effects all held together with an especially cheap script. They got the theater to themselves except for one lone old man who sat in the front and looked like he just wanted something to do today. They sat in the back, whispering horrible commentary to each other that would make not another soul but themselves laugh as hard as they did. 

Bill, while not being anywhere near a perfect gentlemen like he promised, was not too controlling during the movie. He added an occasional bad joke, but was more likely to coach Dipper on what, and how, to say a response, or a bad joke. 

About halfway through the film, Bill moved Dipper's hand to Wendy's inner thigh. Dipper tried not to sweat bullets, first when he detected Bill moving the hand, and then when it landed and he expected Wendy to immediately throw it off, and probably slap him for good measure. He continued sweating for as long it was on her leg, a good five minuets before a jump scare got both of them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I now have a tumblr that seems more cohesive to talking about fanfiction message me there if you wanna chat or whatever. http://wakawaka3514.tumblr.com/

They laughed together while walking out of the theater towards Wendy's house. 

Dipper suddenly rose his fist up, "I'm here. To Decompress. YOUR LIFE!" They both laughed at his mocking of the movie. 

"Oh my god, how will they ever make a worse film?" Wendy said between bouts of laughter.

"I've heard they're already working a a sequel."

Wendy tried not to react to that, she lasted four seconds before busting out laughing at the idea of a squeal to that piece of garbage. "Haha, I would say I would pay money to see that, but they really ought to stop making such awful stuff."

They made it to Wendy's house cracking more bad joke to that, and other bad movies they've seen. Even if he didn't get a kiss, Dipper thought it was still a pretty good night. Bill making his presence more known as they turned the corner only worried him. 

'Listen, I don't need you to make this night potentially awkward. I'll be fine without a kiss.' Dipper thought.

'We made a deal, kid, I don't go back on my promises.'

'If you kissing her makes things worse in the long run, I want nothing to do with it.'

'A kiss will ruin nothing. Besides, it will be you who gets the kiss.' 

Dipper suddenly realized that going around the world and back for a kiss was probably not the best idea.

"I've had a lot of fun tonight, thanks." Wendy said as she stepped onto her porch.

"So can I come inside?" Bill asked through Dipper's body.

'Don't ruin this, man.'

Wendy played it off like a joke. "No, I have work in the morning, wouldn't be the best idea." She said as she turned the doorknob. "See you later, Dip."

As Wendy went to close the door behind her, she noticed it got stuck on something. She sighed. She knew it occasionally got stuck, so she turned around to give it the bigger push that it needed. She was surprise to find Dipper standing in her house, closing the door behind him.

'YOU'RE RUINING THIS MAN!' Dipper tried to gain control of his body back, but it didn't work efficiently enough to stop the fact that he was now in Wendy's house.

"Woah, woah, woah" Wendy said in a screaming whisper. "You can't just barge in here." 

Bill looked around, "I think can't and already did are at each others throat."

"Ok, ok, jeeze," Wendy looked around, "Just keep it down, if you wake anybody, I will throw you out the nearest window." Wendy grabbed his hand and started leading him to her room. "Not even Robbie was this pushy for sex."

"Who said I wanted sex?" Bill respectfully whispered.

"Then what do you want?" Wendy opened the door to her room. Bill stood still at the front of her door. "Well, go on in."

"No no no, I'll be a gentleman." Bill said holding up his hand to reassure her.

Wendy took a double take, "You'll be a gentleman after you broke into my house?"

Bill took a second to think about it, but eventually said, "Yes."

Wendy stared at him. He didn't budge. "What do you want?" She asked again. 

Bill tilted his head slightly, "A kiss goodnight?"

Wendy gave a small chuckle. It was late, and this kid apparently did whatever the hell he wanted to. "Alright, you earned it."

Dipper felt himself regain control of his body as Wendy bent over. All he ever wanted was these two red blobs coming toward him, but he couldn't help but ask himself, 'Was it worth it?' He felt their lips clash into each other and instantly answered himself, 'It was.' Her lips were soft and moist, her mouth tasted slightly of cherry cola from the theater. He kissed her and she kissed him and he wished this moment would never end. He opened is mouth wider to deepen the kiss and she receptively followed suit. 

'What else do they do when people kiss?' he thought about what could possibly make this better. 'He holds the girls face, right?' 

He absent mildly started to raise his hand while most of his thoughts were on their lips. His hand bumped into something that he didn't quite recognize at first. 'What did I hit?' He thought.

Wendy moved her forearm up and slammed it into the top of Dipper's chest, forcing him against the wall and breaking the kiss. 'Oh, her boob.' He realized.

"You're good, but you gotta spread this stuff out, ya know." She playfully whispered to him. 

Dipper felt his hands reach up and grab the arm on him and panicked as he felt the arm being forced into his neck. His normal response of tensing to stop Bill from doing anything seemed to make it worse. It almost felt as he was crushing his own windpipe and there was nothing he could do about it. 

Wendy didn't understand what was happening at first. Was he trying to get closer to her or something? When she heard him choke on her arm, she at least understood that his breathing was being blocked by her. She straightened herself and shook her arm free. Dipper fell to the floor and tried to regain his breath. Wendy knelt down to him. "What the heck was that about?"

Dipper had similar questions as he tried to regain his breath, but he felt his mouth move to answer her question before he could.

Bill spoke in an incredibly fast whisper, "WellImeanlikeI'mnotreallyusetobreathing,andIthinkthewholebodilyfunctionisreallyweirdbutnotbreathinginthisbodyisreallyreallyweirdandmakesafeelingI'venevereverfeltbeforebuttryingtojuststopbreathingonyourownjustflatoutdoesn'tworksoIgottauseotherpeople'shands. Ya know?" 

Wendy looked down at Dipper, completely flabbergasted.

Dipper looked up at her. Trying to comprehend what just happened and trying to think of anything that he could possible say. He realized something, he realized that he never needed to worry about girls again. He realized that any girl that even looked his direction would hear about this right here and run away screaming. He realized that he didn't need to worry about girls, because none of them would ever EVER give him the time of day after this. 

And he laughed, because it almost felt like a relief. 

And Wendy laughed too. And they laughed together for a short time. 

Wendy stopped and looked at him. "You got the weirdest jokes sometimes." She stood up, then grabbed dipper by the shoulders and forced him up as well. "Go home, Dip. I'll see you tomorrow." 

She walked into her room and closed the door, and Dipper couldn't bring himself to do anything by stare at her. He breathed heavy and tried to comprehend what just happened. Were they going to be ok? Did Bill mess everything up? What was he still doing staring at her door?

Dipper felt his body move. He didn't really care, as he was still lost in thought trying to comprehend everything that just happened.

Bill walked into the Corduroy Family living room and surveyed it for supplies he needed. It was tough in nothing but moonlight, but he found what he was after none the less. He grabbed a blank piece of paper and pen. He looked up and scribbled something onto the paper. Dipper tried to figure out what it was, but his eyes faced elsewhere and he couldn't tell just from his own hand movements.

'What are you...' Dipper asked.

'Date's over, Pine Tree,' Bill plainly spoke to him. 'Now I get a chance to play.'

Bill walked to the opposite end of the hall and knocked heavily on the door. A few seconds later, Manly Dan opened the door. He was taken aback from seeing someone other than one of his children, then flinched when this kid before him flung his arm out to hold up a piece of folded paper for him to grab. 

Manly Dan looked at it suspiciously. "What's this?"

"A message for Mr. Kryptos." Bill said, beaming.

Manly Dan stared at him, confusion turned to anger after a short trip at realization. "Who the hell are you?" Anger deep in his voice.

"Just a courier from Mr. Cipher, talking to a courier for Mr. Kryptos." Bill replied, a darker tone than before.

Manly Dan leaned over Dipper's body, "And why the hell should I do anything for you?"

Bill smiled, "Because if one courier won't do, I know the message will get through if I carve it into the body of another courier." The way he accentuated the word 'carve' made Dipper's hair stand on end, or it would if Dipper was in control of them. 

Manly Dan frowned, staring at this scrawny kid half his height that was threatening him like this. He thought back to his youth the few regretful nights of tinkering in the occult with friends that pushed themselves far too deep into it. 

He swiped the piece of paper from the kids hand. "Get out of here." He said coldly before slamming the door. 

Bill smiled, he quickly walked out of the house. Dipper could only watch on as he tried to understand what just happened. 

The first words he managed to say were. "Do you even give a shit about being a matchmaker or were you planning this since this morning?"

"It's funny how dumb you are."

**Author's Note:**

> Another rewrite of Sock Opera, probably one of dozens that an average fanfic enthusiast has read by now, but important setup for future chapters. Just as a note, there probably isn't going to be anything as near as graphically violent as Bill forcing Dipper to choke his sister in future chapters, I hope I didn't scare anyone away with that.
> 
> Also, since I am new to this, I would appreciate feedback and I'm willing to provide drafts of future chapters to those promising to critique them. I think AO3 has a PM system, idk.


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